"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made: marvellous [are] thy works; and [that] my soul knoweth right well." Psalm 139:14 (KJV)

“BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.” “Don’t break my chair fat girl.” The beginning of childhood for me was about being a fat girl. Well, at least for everyone who noticed. And everyone seemed to notice. They teased. What was strange was even people almost, key word being almost, as fat as me teased me. “Fat girl don’t make me flat girl.” You know the run down. The drill, or do you know? Unfortunately, I was doomed to be fat, my mom was, my grand mom, my uncles were fat. We are just a whole fat family. My sister is amazingly and surprisingly... fat. Thought I was going to say skinny didn’t you. Nope. She’s fat too. So are my twin brothers Joe and Jason. "Fat twinks," they call them. Didn’t see that one coming. Ha. After them my mom decided not to have anymore kids. She said she didn’t want to make anyone else’s life miserable. We were teased, poked at, laughed at-nope not fun. The twins smile but stuffed their face to ease the pain. I could hear one or both of their pillow muffled cry down the hall to my room. I would try to comfort them but it wasn't easy. They would just say "What do you care, you're skinny!" All I could think, but wouldn't dare say, is have you looked at me lately I'm probably the size of the both-a-ya, but that would have just made it worst. My Mom's advice was "You'll get over it." My father's solution was "You want some ice cream?""I always feel better after ice cream." And who could resist that sweet smile offering cold yummy good stuff. He was always different with me though not sure why. He always had something positive to say before offering me the snack-me-better medicine. At some point, I came up with the great idea to study nutrition in college. So off I went with my BIBLE in one hand and goodies for the ride in another. I was so excited to have learned so much to help others, it never occurred to me to help myself.  I just figured I just had to accept me. But then...Daddy died the day after I graduated from college. I think I was Twenty- two. Out of everything in my life that was the hardest. I just received my degree in nutrition hoping to share all my knowledge so he could stay healthy and he dies. I couldn’t believe it. I loved my Dad. He was a wonderful, CHRISTian man and strong like my grand mom. He was filled with so much love and compassion. I didn’t think any amount of fat could squeeze the life out of his tender heart. But it did and he died of a heart attack. I wanted so badly to hear a BIBLE verse that could help me with the pain. My daddy knew them back and forth. He would always tell me, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made.” Before he died he told us in the hospital “children are the heritage of the LORD""You are blossoming my beautiful sunflower into a great heritage maker, and your brothers will be great men of GOD.” I loved to see him smile. He said, “I see as GOD sees you, beautiful, and handsome, smart and wise no matter what size.” “That’s beautiful, Dad.” I said bending down on my knees to kiss him on the cheek, everyone followed and tears streamed down his cheeks as he told us goodbye. I had to see him smile again so I said, “Did you mean to rhyme dad. ‘Cause if not I’m gonna make it into a song and make a million dollars off it and fly you outta here.” “No baby, but I meant it with all my heart.” He smiled and I was content. “I love you, Dad.” I squeezed him so tight I felt like I couldn’t let go or I would lose him. But the next morning he died in his sleep. They said he didn’t suffer. I’m glad. He was a good Daddy. He wasn’t the only thing I lost. In many ways he put the power behind my will to live. My will to do anything. The next few days I was numb and had no ambition. I don't think I even thought, I just sat and listened to the twins argue, my sister cry, my mother shuffle to cook every meal she'd ever cooked for the repass and my uncle complain that I was taking up too much room on the couch and I hid the remote just to torture him for teasing my Dad. He always had scripture or an uplifting song. He strengthened me. I felt alone as I sat there dressed in black watching him going down into the ground. Then I realized that JESUS didn't die just so I could see my Daddy again in heaven, but maybe if he believed he had the power to be different he would've been able to stay a little longer. And I wanted to live better. I was going to be wonderful. I was going to be there for my kids. I wanted to finish what my Dad started, I wanted to take his faith one step further. At that moment, I knew if my daddy could see my thoughts he would smile. So here’s my journey from a fat girl to a healthier, beautiful (not so skinny) woman.